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Into Being

The other side of appearance. Our body as a place. A work, not symbolic but indexical – a trace of a real event of a real body in time. 

Phenomenology - I know the world from the inside, because that is where I am, inside my body, inside my situations, in touch with the world, as I feel my way along. 

And, what of my ways of understanding of things? What of my ways of feeling, my ways of thought, my consciousness, and my being able to think my beingness into forms of articulation that have some sort of meaning and understanding for others. 

And, why do I want to articulate my self in these ways, especially through writing, and to some extent through speaking, but I have no one I can really talk these things through with, so I write these things, my thoughts, my feelings. Or sometimes try to. With or without intent, I'm not quite sure. 

To understand your self to begin to know I understand things. Default thinking - behaviourist, mechanical, physical cause, reductionist, fragmentary, with simple explanations extrapolated from fragments rather than trying to open up understanding and meaning to a less rigorous, authoritarian and imposing way of thinking. 

This thinking depends on a view of the world as if on the outside, from a position of detachment, or disengagement. 

This is about 'knowledge' and how we get knowledge, and how we get power with this knowledge. Goes by the name epistemology - and an attempt to understand what knowledge is. What is knowledge, when is knowledge valid? Theory of Knowledge? Why? Images and ideas of knowledge - this problem. 

What if what was inside my head corresponded to the things outside my head? 

Things don't correspond - I live with the contradictions. What I see is how I see. How do I want to see what I see if how I see isn't what I see. 

Appearance, awareness. Perspective, perception. And internal presence. 

Do the things outside me bombard my senses? Separation between things out there and things in my mind? Do they really correspond? Skepticism. How do you know? 

This dualism leaves me bouncing back and forth between the world out there - in a way, their world, and my world in here, and somehow I've been convinced their knowing is more important than my knowing, their understanding, their meaning, which is institutionalised and fed back through forms of education, training and the media. Are things I sense distorted by the way I am, and therefore I can have a distorted view, or something like that. So. 

And. The question I ask of my self is how do I know. And I answer, I 'just' know. But what I don't know is how I want to articulate what I know, or feel, or have thoughts about. My experience. Experiencing things. What do I see? This dualism, this skepticism can cause you anxiety, can keep you awake at night. 

This epistemological view, this dualism seems to be a construal of what knowing is - a sort of representation or mediation -  knowing the world through the ideas in our minds - do I only know the world through the ideas in my head? This seems to be a position for generating skepticism. Dualist. Mechanistic. Monist. Physical. These forms of thinking seem to dominate everything. Mechanistic perception. this computer brain. processes stuff. store stuff. digital. this is not how it is for me, nowhere near what it really is for me. this way of picturing the world. 

the Matrix plot, people having a shadow of their experience. experience becomes represented, mediated, distorted, and this is seen, pictured, as 'natural'. a view of 'knowledge'. And. So. You. What do you want to do about this? To show this is nonsense - non-sense. no sense. I'm in touch with the world, here, now, on this MacAir keyboard, my eye focussed on this screen and my awareness of my clothes on my body, this Ikea chair supporting my body, the warmth from the heating system, the draft from the windows, the grey cloud, the snow falling in a meandering way. embodied. a sense of what it is to be in the world. 

being born. before I was born. interacting with everything around me, physically, i move inside my mother's womb. i move outside. i am physical. being. my knowing is deeply based on my physical experience of my own life, for the time i became conscious in my mothers womb, as my body begins to take shape, my organs forming, sounds, my incredibly interconnected self - reduced to a machine by them. my physical contact with everything . moving my self around. moving things around. arranging my self. arranging things around my self. being with the world around me. being inseparable from the world around me, my identity, my aura, my psyche, my vibes, my sigh, my breathing, my heart beating, my pulse, my blood. eating. walking. running. this feeling for the meaning of things, this way I am, and have interacted with everything throughout my life, my dark consciousness, I am but a sapling with my consciousness being the earth that I manifest from and decay into. opening out and closing down. 

inward, downward, anxiety depression, angst, and opening back out form this dark decay, a hint, a fibre feeling its way through soft ground, into lightness, through being nurtured, tendered, cared for, cared about, not important, not meaningful, just being here, with some energy, to move about, touch, feel, arrange things, and also, begin to compose, to make something out of my arrangement of things to make some things into some thing else, out and about, being here, feeling here, and being alive with other living things and trying to be and feel alive with other humans. how to be with humans. embodied experience. i am not like a computer. things impinge upon me. i can sense things impinging upon me. some things I want to avoid. other things I seem to feel okay with. in touch with life. forms shaping my senses? 

same forms shaping my thoughts and feelings, my knowing (intellect?) tree-form, wind form. mechanistic thinking destroys this sense of self and living things earthed and grounded - mechanistic thinking sits on the ground, mechanistic thinking extracts from the earth, mechanistic thinking exports life, mechanistic thinking is self-serving and human, and mechanistic thinking is civilised, institutionalised, bureaucratised, mechanistic thinking pervades human thinking and mechanistic thinking isn't life. actually mechanistic thinking eventually leads to death, death of animals, humans, death of Earth. so, what of beyond that thinking. Now. This Thinking For Now. Your thinking, your knowing. In their world things are understood mechanistically. What is the place of senses, feeling, thoughts, consciousness, vibes, psyche, presence, my body. 

my mind is not mechanistic, my mind and body, my self, with life, and with earth grounded, and this as my landscape of thought and feeling and sometimes articulations. 

Practise into openness . opening up, feeling better, feeling health, feeling I can do things, feeling I can be involved, feeling I can arrange things, feeling in an open way. consciousness. intentionality. meaning. self. morality. ethics. hope. years. to change. culture. 

cartesian account of nature of knowledge cemented into our institutions and our practices (of everyday life). 

this non-sense way of acting and performing with a mechanistic mind and body is a deep problem. 

who benefits from perpetuating this myth, this trick of the mind that they play on us, and we in turn play on ourselves? havoc. 

this mechanistic perspective, this standing back, this representational stance, has been a source of power and control - clear, disengaged thinking, gets you clarity and domination of the field you're talking about, being crystal clear, breaking things down to fragments, breaking things apart to see how they can fit them back together in another way. 

knowledge is power. knowledge is used to dominate. dominate in all its insidious ways. dominating the phenomena. 

grasping the phenomena. manipulating for who's benefit. manipulating the phenomena. and they use their knowledge to explain, justify their forms of manipulation of our realities. liberty? Justice? 

control through unclear thinking? political freedom? contract? language? own language? agreeable. freedom to agree. freedom to contracts. atomism control. power. 

how the world is for actual human beings - embodied beings, part of the world, belong to the Earth, a place, each other, a language, a society, things we have not chosen or made, which we have only a very limited capacity to remake - to think in the way of a philosophical anthropology, that encompasses, our experiencing, sensing, feeling,  thoughtfulness and consciousness. 

Inclined this way by my background. 

Language. differences. through my different experiences. expressive power of language. as different from the exacting language, of naming, categorising, correlating everything. a tight formal language, a mechanical language, a controlling language, and knowledge construction that is built by this form of use of language into edifices of power within institutions. each distinct object with its own distinct word. but these words are arbitrary, they don’t reflect or picture the reality. a mode of speaking, with gestures, attempting to hold the object. so, use metaphor, metaphor kept out of the picture. 

Think clearly, stick to clear definitions, metaphors mix things up. Mix things up. Have clarity in your own mind. words. science. the ways I want to use words. without necessary clarity, and intention but trying to understand from my own sense of things. without dogma - humans have intentionality and purpose. a malaise. 

Into Being. 

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