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Thursday 13 September 2018

If language were liquid it would be rushing in.
Words from a morning song. A silence more eloquent than a word can ever be. I draw some shapes with my magic wand, becoming letters, forming words, slow, I stay with the drawing out, a thought, a feeling, a breath, a line, a curve, a letter, a spell, a word. To write of one self. To write for one self. A form of expression. A form taking shape. I tend towards a form taking shape, a contemplation, a silence.

Letters flow, lines appear as words, a gathering of bits and pieces on a piece of paper. I sit back and contemplate. Read. To contemplate. My feeling thought begins to say I write to read. I draw out what I've seen. Words are too solid they don't move fast enough. A line at a time. In time, a rhythm. A pulse, a heart. An energy grounded. Earthed. A kind of meditation.

A coffee, some water, "What are you writing today", a cheerful voice,  I begin to try to explain, I hesitate, I stumble over my voice, saying words, explaining, I say I don't know, we laugh.

And strangely, another person comes by, a manager person. We spoke of language the other day, she speaks five languages. She asks how it's going. I say I'm confused, with a smile from the last conversation. She looks concerned, I say it's a wonderful confusion, like seeing a landscape and describing what you've seen, or photographing a landscape. So often what I say or what I see doesn't come out as it seems or appears. So I try to make something out of these words, that landscape, a photograph. She seems to understand, this writing something of what is seen-felt. This trying to write the feelings. Things aren't how they appear. This photographing of the feeling of that landscape.

Yesterday I was going though hundreds of landscape photographs in Ireland from long ago, on the computer screen, looking for a picture that would say something of what I felt. The camera seems to photograph what I see. What I see is not what the camera chooses to photograph. The camera is a magic wand, I have to become a magician. The pen is a camera is a pen.

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